there's two concepts I want to talk about.. there's the words oblivion and void.. then on the other end there's the words eternity and infinity.. so which one is it.. what's next.. I can say for myself I've seen the void.. touched it.. had a taste of it.. would have stayed if I could.. I wasn't even on drugs.. I was dipped into it for a short time then pulled back out.. was I shown it for a reason? am I special.. I feel somehow central.. not that I know what that means..

maynard said: "as below, so above and beyond, I imagine".. and here everything runs in cycles.. day to night.. the 4 seasons.. and back around again.. on and on.. seemingly endless..

maybe both concepts exist.. maybe we go into the void for a time and recalibrate.. rest up.. then back into the system of existence.. back around again.. maybe not the same way.. a completely new way of existing than we know or could imagine.. but as I've told one person I don't feel like I've been here forever.. my soul feels young.. like this is the first and only time I've existed.. and there is only now.. which feels endless because I'm suffering..

I mean I hope I go to the void in the end.. stay there.. that would be heaven to me.. I hate life so much.. not everything in it of course.. there are some things that keep me here.. make this torturous ache of depression tolerable.. but I don't want to feel this forever.. I don't want to have to endure existence for eternity.. that would be hell to me.. even if I get to start over.. into a new world.. the old world like a distant dream you can't quite remember..

and I feel significant.. I can't put my finger on it.. can't figure out what it means.. don't know what it means.. just like I don't know what's next..

what happened to my cat when she died.. I see her in dreams all the time and I think dreams are a place between life and death.. is my cat gone forever or do I get to see her again.. will my mom leave only to be reunited with her in the white light of the next life..

and what about 2012.. what more did the myans (and all cultures and people who concentrated on this date for that matter) know about 2012.. or didn't they know anymore than we do.. all a mystery beyond a certain point.. anyone have an opinion here?

peace love light and happiness to you all